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If Trouble Don’t Kill Me I Reckon I’ll Live

by Sandra Bennett
Farm

1 Feb

 

~ Sadie Beau Hunkous, my final heartbeat ~

If trouble comes in three’s, the farm and I should be safe for a while. A very long while, please God.

Today it was Sadie Beau Hunkous taking the rest of my battered and shattered heart. If you’re one of those people who don’t understand how animals are part of the family, then I reckon you might just not have a heart to batter and shatter. I’m not sure I have a heart any longer; in November it was Sam P. Spade, Secret Agent Angel, in January it was Hattie Cat and the black month of February has taken Sadie. For the first time in twenty-five years I am without a dog and am weak with grief . Please God, I need a respite for even with Your great strength, I find it nigh impossible and have barricaded myself behind a locked gate and door until I’m able to cope again. It’s not just the death of the animals, it’s the death of the dream from the days of Dave. P’raps God has a new dream, a new vision and time will tell. This week, there are things I’m committed to and will do my duty but no more than my duty. I am not able.

Leave me to my grief.

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Comments

  1. handmade by amalia says

    April 6, 2021 at 12:57 am

    A big strong hug.
    Amalia
    xo

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:30 am

      and I accept a big strong hug! love and prayers to you…

      Reply
  2. Mary says

    February 18, 2021 at 11:07 pm

    Sandy
    So sorry for you. Sadie sam, hattie,Abby and Gracie were wonderful companions. I miss them too. I miss you too. prayers going up. Love you, may God bless you.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:28 am

      Ah Mary, it’s never easy, is it? It’s been months and the grief is still sharp as a sword.

      Reply
  3. Nancy Williams says

    February 12, 2021 at 8:52 pm

    So sorry about your loss…we’ve just experienced the same thing with our little Darcy. It is so hard to say good-bye to a friend, and that’s indeed what this was. Here’s my blog about it: https://lightbournecreative.com/2021/01/25/the-privileged-life-saying-good-bye-to-a-friend/ Saying a quick prayer for you this evening….

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:27 am

      First…great photo of Darcy and, if you don’t mind, what kind of halter is on him? Your eulogy is stellar and I so appreciate you telling me. I’m a firm Believer in our loved ones, two and four legged, are waiting for us in Heaven.

      Reply
      • Nancy says

        August 19, 2021 at 1:54 pm

        Hi Sandra! Thanks for your comments! The halter is a “Top Paw Mesh Comfort Dog Harness,” available at Petsmart. Looking at their website, I don’t see the one with the embroidered bone on the front (it’s available on eBay), but they do have the same version with an embroidered paw print. It’s a very comfortable harness/vest, good for hiking because Darcy walked out in front of us, pulling us along. Our new pup, Heidi, wears a “Top Paw Yellow Floral Neoprene Dog Harness,” and it fits her well. I might try a vest version when cooler weather hits. And yes, I am hopeful that we will enjoy our beloved animal friends in heaven, too!

        Reply
        • Sandra Bennett says

          August 20, 2021 at 10:52 am

          Thanks, Nancy. Honey, my RR needs a halter and Bella, black lab mix, has one. It doesn’t matter to me
          about decorations; I’m only interested in easy of putting on/off and I do like the upside down T version.
          What breed is Heidi?

          Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 12:36 pm

      Nancy, I’ve tried to comment on your blog but having trouble with WP. I always have trouble with WP
      and not sure how to correct. I wanted to say, I’m a Caleb. lol at myself

      Reply
      • Nancy says

        August 19, 2021 at 1:58 pm

        Hi again, Sandra…I’ve had problems back and forth with commenting on other WordPress sites, some working, some not. I’ve found that if I go into the “Reader” section of my website, I can more easily “like” and comment on some of the sites that have proved difficult. Give it a try…look for the “Reader” tab in the upper left of your site management page.

        Reply
        • Sandra Bennett says

          August 20, 2021 at 10:53 am

          Okay, Nancy, I’ll try this later…running out of chore time now. Thanks!

          Reply
  4. handmade by amalia says

    February 10, 2021 at 11:15 pm

    I well know the pain of losing a beloved pet. A big, strong hug.
    Amalia
    xo

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:13 am

      Amalia, you are loved and tucked in prayer.

      Reply
  5. Annie says

    February 9, 2021 at 7:52 pm

    Ah shoot! I hate this!###!!###!!!!
    The last one that broke me was burying her out in the pouring rain in the middle of the night falling all over myself in the mud because my adult boy could not bring himself to do it. Then having to dig her up three days later because my dil insisted she needed a better container. He couldn’t bring himself to do that either though he made the box. Then bury her again, all alone just me and God there. I am still weepibg over this. Lord love your heart.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:13 am

      That reminds me when my beloved Zoe cat died. I was laid up with a broken ankle and Dave buried her for me. In a pouring rain, he dug the hole in the front yard, no less!, and buried her. I’ve got tears now, for you in your grief; why doesn’t it get easier? Annie, I FIRMLY believe all those beloved animals gone before are waiting in heaven for my Homegoing. There’s nothing in the Holy Bible to say otherwise and God loves us, His entire Creation so this I believe.

      Reply
  6. Blair says

    February 9, 2021 at 6:25 pm

    P.S. I have no connection, monetary or otherwise, with the 2 websites I mentioned!

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:10 am

      no worries! even if you did, I’d still look.

      Reply
  7. Blair says

    February 9, 2021 at 5:54 pm

    Dear Sandra,
    Your blog has given me great comfort since November 2011, when we had to euthanize our precious Golden Retriever Luna (Clair de Lune), due to cancer. I am so sad to read that your own precious Sam P. Spade, Secret Agent Angel, Hattie Cat and now Sadie Beau Hunkous have all passed away in the space of a few short months. This sounds like the worst time you’ve ever had since Dave’s death and all the harder because of suffering Dave’s death. I think grief is harder with each passing. Grief seems to echo and reverberate throughout one’s life. And as I get older (60), I have less energy in reserve to handle grief. My heart goes out to you!

    At the risk of sounding bossy, I want to share some ideas for you. Please take what you like and leave the rest….

    Sandra, you have great courage. You have been strong and stoic for so many years!
    Perhaps now is the time to skip or postpone the work you can. Lighten your burdens before you crumble! Consider doing less for others until you feel better.

    You need pleasure and comfort and joy desperately! You need something to look forward to each day.

    Make plans to take care of yourself with tasty food, soft comfy clothes, good smells like a scented candle or hyacinth flower, favorite treats like hot cocoa, chocolate or ice cream, etc. Consider looking at some grief blogs online. I like “What’s Your Grief.” I also like Ingrid Fetell Lee’s aestheticsofjoy.com. Maybe you could borrow someone else’s dog for a while? Take the time to be as gentle and kind and thoughtful with yourself as you are with all of your dear animal companions.

    With deepest sympathy,

    Blair

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:10 am

      Dear Blair – we’re never fully equipped to say good-bye, are we? Even when it’s expected the blow is both physical and emotional, leaving us reeling, unsteady, anxious, empty. The only way I can handle the grief is to keep going, take care of the living and trust God. His plans (for me) are good even when, even though I don’t understand. It’s not the understanding that keeps me going though, it’s the full acceptance of Him being God and the promise of His Word.
      You’re right about taking time for me…although what that meant was tending to the animals left behind and, sometimes, myself. I’ll have more about tending to myself later…it’s in the absolutely simple things I find the most pleasure. I do enjoy burning candles but have decided to do that only outside; last week I lit a candle, forgot about it and went to sleep. The next morning I found it still burning (safely!) but it’s not something I want to repeat.
      I will look at your recommended blogs and, as a teaser…let you know there are two puppies in my life now.
      God bless you, Blair, your note is truly appreciated.

      Reply
  8. magsmcc says

    February 8, 2021 at 5:28 am

    Wordless love x

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:04 am

      love is always enough and sending love to you and your men.

      Reply
  9. Sheryl Kirk says

    February 4, 2021 at 11:05 pm

    Ohhhh, so sorry………I know that grief…..it hurts so bad…..I have no advice, just sending g love and a hug♡

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:04 am

      and love and a hug are enough; God bless you!

      Reply
  10. Dewena says

    February 4, 2021 at 1:27 pm

    Dearest Sandra, I am so very sorry that you’re having to go through this third loss in so short a time. I do have a heart that’s been shattered so I know how empty and lonely the house and your life must seem now. It’s like everything has left. Not much helps, not really, not even knowing that the Father hurts for you. And it just goes on and on, every day. The hurt hitting you again within seconds of waking up every morning. Even so called comforting things hurt. I wish so much that I could help but it’s really a road you walk alone. And we wouldn’t choose to be the kind of person who didn’t feel otherwise, our pain somehow a tribute and thank you to the one we loved so much and loved us back.
    Thinking of you, praying for you,
    Dewena

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 11:03 am

      Dear Dewena, God has been faithful, that’s the only way I’ve kept going. Truthfully…there are many times I don’t “feel” God but I believe His Word and trust Him and He’s kept me safe so many times, known and unknown. For some reason, I’ve never felt the need to “feel” God but I look at His Creation – the forest, horses, dogs, cats, birds, pond…etc. and I know He is HERE, just as He is HERE for each of us, daily. Moment by moment. When life is overwhelming, I do what Elijah did…I take a nap, eat and take another nap. Vince Lombardy said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” and it’s so true. No matter if we’re empty of food or rest, we can easily be overwhelmed.
      God bless you for your prayers and good thoughts; your name stays on my devotional journal.

      Reply
  11. Lisa Richards says

    February 3, 2021 at 3:57 pm

    So sorry for the loss of so many important pet members of your family! It seems that living on a farm full of animals just sets us up for more heartache than most experience where pets are concerned. I send hugs and prayers as you grieve.

    Reply
  12. sherry says

    February 3, 2021 at 12:55 pm

    oh no…
    i know the deep grief of losing a precious fur baby.
    and multiples of fur babies. holding you close at heart,
    praying, thinking of you so much.
    bless you dearly as you navigate this difficult path.
    you are loved.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 12:55 pm

      Sherry, thank you and you’re often in my thoughts and prayers. God knows.

      Reply
  13. GretchenJoanna says

    February 2, 2021 at 9:59 pm

    Oh, Sandra…. There is nothing I can say. I am so sad with you.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 12:54 pm

      Gretchen, thank you. Even when we’re expecting it, saying goodbye is never easy.

      Reply
  14. Barbara Dunford says

    February 2, 2021 at 9:08 am

    I’m so sorry. I know your pain.

    Reply
  15. VicMD says

    February 2, 2021 at 7:33 am

    The Power of the Dog

    THERE is sorrow enough in the natural way
    From men and women to fill our day;
    And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
    Why do we always arrange for more?
    Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
    Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
    Buy a pup and your money will buy
    Love unflinching that cannot lie
    Perfect passion and worship fed
    By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
    Nevertheless it is hardly fair
    To risk your heart for a dog to tear.

    When the fourteen years which Nature permits
    Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
    And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
    To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
    Then you will find – it’s your own affair, –
    But … you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear.

    When the body that lived at your single will,
    With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!),
    When the spirit that answered your every mood
    Is gone – wherever it goes – for good,
    You will discover how much you care,
    And will give your heart to a dog to tear!

    We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
    When it comes to burying Christian clay.
    Our loves are not given, but only lent,
    At compound interest of cent per cent,
    Though it is not always the case, I believe,
    That the longer we’ve kept ’em, the more do we grieve;
    For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
    A short-time loan is as bad as a long –
    So why in – Heaven (before we are there)
    Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:20 pm

      Thank you, I love this and OH SO true! and yet, I’ve given my heart away again. twice.

      Reply
  16. VicMD says

    February 2, 2021 at 7:31 am

    Oh no, my dear friend! I understand…. And share your grief. If I were there I would hug you and cry with you.

    When you are ready, and if you desire, I have connections to a small Ridgeback Rescue. Roy’s gift is matching a dog up with the right human.

    Reply
    • Sandra at Thistle Cove Farm says

      March 20, 2021 at 7:36 pm

      I can’t stand it; please send a note to thistlecovefarm at gmail
      thank you.

      Reply
      • Vic says

        March 22, 2021 at 9:28 am

        Sandra, email with info sent to you.

        Reply
        • Sandra Bennett says

          August 19, 2021 at 11:30 am

          it’s months gone by and life is more evenly and gently held. Thank you greatly.

          Reply
  17. Jane Hattatt says

    February 2, 2021 at 3:06 am

    Darling Sandra,

    Our return to the Blogosphere has coincided with another loss for you. How our hearts ache for you.
    The death of a pet is always so hard to bear. Their unconditional love and complete trust and faith are so uplifting that, without them, one feels lost and desolate.
    But, it is Candlemas. A light is shining to show the way. Spring is coming. All will be well.

    Sending love, J and L xx

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:31 pm

      Dear Jane, you’ve no idea how many times I tell myself “All will be well”. the other thing I say to self, “There are no surprises to God” and, eventually, all is well and good and fair again. Now, it’s August and the heat index is 115, at the highest, and usually hovers around 100. UGH. Farm chores, not feeding, wait until late afternoon when I can go outside and also breath while I’m there.
      Candlemas. Even the name brings comfort. XOXO

      Reply
  18. Julie says

    February 1, 2021 at 9:42 pm

    Oh my heart goes out to you! Prayers for you, for comfort, healing, and strength.

    Reply
  19. Michelle says

    February 1, 2021 at 9:32 pm

    Life without a dog is an empty shell. I do hope God will bring a new angel/companion/BFF into your life soon; He knows how many there are longing for someone to love them and give them purpose. I “will do my duty but no more than my duty:” how often I have trudged through this stage in life! That God made me ‘duty-driven’ has probably saved my life many times. Wrapping you in big hugs with plenty of hankies, dear Sandra.

    Reply
  20. ellen b. says

    February 1, 2021 at 8:03 pm

    Praying right now that you will know God’s comfort in your overwhelming grief…

    Reply
  21. Sarah Hucks says

    February 1, 2021 at 7:55 pm

    I’m so very sorry. I do understand how animals are family. I’ll be praying for you.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:36 pm

      Sarah, thank you and greatly appreciated. I’m back among the land of the living.

      Reply
  22. Jill Cooper says

    February 1, 2021 at 7:13 pm

    I am so very sorry Sandra. My prayers are with you. Love and hugs ❤🙏❤

    Reply
  23. Bonnie says

    February 1, 2021 at 6:14 pm

    I was just thinking this morning about a cat that is not even mine, lives with a friend.

    But sometimes, as with humans, you meet a cat or a dog and there is an instant bond. I call him the Lion King. He is a blend of orange tabby with Maine Coon Cat.
    I realized that if anything happened to him it would be devastating. I only get to see him now and then. But my friend sends me photos of his life.
    You are in my prayers. Have been for awhile.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:42 pm

      Lion King sounds amazing and much like my Gypsy rose Lee who is Main Coon Cat. She’s a big ‘un and full of love and purrs. No one can convince me our beloved animals aren’t waiting for us in Heaven. The Holy Bible doesn’t say so I choose to believe God who says, Cast our cares upon Him for He cares for us.

      Reply
  24. ~K says

    February 1, 2021 at 5:59 pm

    Gone From My Sight
    I am standing upon the seashore.
    A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
    She is an object of beauty and strength.
    I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
    of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
    Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”
    Gone where?
    Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
    hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
    And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
    Her diminished size is in me — not in her.
    And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
    there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

    Henry Van Dyke

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:38 pm

      this brings SUCH comfort. I want it for when I go Home.

      Reply
  25. Judy says

    February 1, 2021 at 5:41 pm

    Im so sorry. Keeping you in my prayers

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:37 pm

      thank you Judy. thank you.

      Reply
  26. Pam R. says

    February 1, 2021 at 5:27 pm

    I know firsthand the loss of a beloved pet. My heart breaks for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Reply
  27. patricia salada says

    February 1, 2021 at 5:09 pm

    No words are appropriate; just prayers for your comfort.
    Love,
    Pat

    Reply
  28. Shannon says

    February 1, 2021 at 4:59 pm

    Oh, Sandra. No words, no words, but a flood of prayers from my lips to God’s ears for peace, comfort, and eventually a bit of healing for your poor heart. Nearly too much to bear, dear one.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:38 pm

      and He heard, Shannon. He heard and gave comfort. Thank you.

      Reply
  29. FlowerLady says

    February 1, 2021 at 4:55 pm

    ((((((Sandra)))))) Love, hugs & prayers for you, FlowerLady

    Reply
  30. Teresa says

    February 1, 2021 at 4:55 pm

    Bless your heart…Peace be with you…

    Reply
  31. Stephanie says

    February 1, 2021 at 4:37 pm

    Sissie I’m so so sorry. Sadie had a great life and she truly loved you and you loved her as well. It breaks my heart that she and Sam are gone but not forgotten. I will continue to pray for you and your grief. Please know I am there for you, and I’m a phone call away. I love you with all my heart. Your Sistah

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:40 pm

      Well Beloved Sistah, I’m now responding…grief takes as long as it takes and Lord knows there’s been a passel of living since then. I still weep over Sam and Sadie and Dave and Abbie and Gracie and Lightly and HayJ and Peaches and Aunt Bonnie and Granddaddy and Aunt Esther and Grandmother and PawPaw and Mawmaw and…the list seems endless!
      XOXO

      Reply
  32. chris carroll says

    February 1, 2021 at 4:36 pm

    Oh, Sandra, my heart breaks for you. I don”t understands God’s ways, either, but what else do we have? Know that you are in my prayers always.

    Reply
    • Sandra Bennett says

      August 19, 2021 at 1:43 pm

      Chris, you must have my note by now…did it surprise you? God’s ways are not our ways, so He tells us in Scripture but I still choose to trust Him.

      Reply
      • Chris says

        August 19, 2021 at 1:53 pm

        Yes, and I have been thinking about what to say in return and there’s so much more than a comment box can hold. I was delighted to get your note; I have had you in my mind for several days. I think of you often and am hoping that you and your family are drinking in summer health and bounty. With farm chores never ending, I hope you’re getting to rest in the softness of these summer nights. They are one of my favorite gifts from God.

        Reply

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