After pouring my
guts heart out in the last post, I feel ever so much better, although, I think it has more to do with your kind comments than the emptying of my soul. In my case, soul emptying isn’t so much courage as the fear of standing before God, hopefully in the far future, and having Him say, “I gave you such a Large Life, why did you choose to live small?” shudder!
In this “grief journey”, I’ve learned it’s best to just go with it when it happens. There’s no stemming the flow of grief but I do try to stay on the farm, behind locked gates, when grief overwhelms me. If I’m in public, I head for the nearest restroom or back to the car; there’s no need in causing others discomfort and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, folks who can handle a crying woman are few and far between. When I’ve encountered someone in distress, if it’s someone I know, I give them a hug and ask if I may pray for them. If they say “yes”, I start praying; if it’s someone I don’t know, perhaps I’ll touch them on the arm or shoulder and ask the same question. As the old saying goes, there are no atheists in a foxhole and no one has ever turned down my offer of prayer.
Each week brings new opportunities to work as well as the same ole grind. Of course, my same ole grind is beautiful to me…lambs, calves, kittens, spring…and, once again, the cycle of grieving has taken an upturn. In other words, grief will be “manageable” for a day or three or God knows how long, before I’m swamped again. It’s a roller coaster ride sans seat belt and all I can do is hang on and try to keep up but knowing God’s plans are for me to prosper and do well, to give me hope and a future while I cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me. With Him carrying me and the load, I can do this grief journey! sort of.
After pouring my