Is it just me or did anyone else blink, sneeze and January was finished? I feel like I haven’t had a chance to get used to a New Year and the first month is done and dusted. I’m still thinking about sitting down and making goals and plans while God is saying, “Better get your skates on and catch up!”
Last year ended on a sour note with me being admitted to hospital with a heart attack. You may recall Mom was/is in hospice and now doing amazingly well and I was staying nights. It’s only thirty miles between us but, if I’m driving the speed limit, it takes almost an hour due to narrow, unmarked country roads. I was away from my home a minimum of fourteen hours, coming home to dog messes and who could blame them? That’s entirely too long to ask. Anyway, without going into more details, there was a dust up with my family and I found me on my sofa with an Inky Cat on my chest and not feeling even fifty percent. As I said on FB, “If I’d had the strength, I would go to the emergency room”. At that point, the thought of a heart attack hadn’t occurred to me. The next morning around O’dark thirty I stumbled to the bathroom sink and took two full strength aspirins then went back to bed. A couple of hours later, feeling some better, I realized it might be a heart attack and began doing what was needed so I could go to the ER. All the animals were fed, watered and then I contacted friends to cover my chores in case I was admitted to hospital. Katelyn and Ronnie took care of horses, dogs, cats, home and farm but Sadie was quarantined by covid. Memory, always faulty, seems to tell me Stephanie came to the house but I might lose a hundred dollar bet were I to say for sure.
Gathering my phone, charger and keys I drove up to the driveway and God said, “Don’t drive yourself; call EMS” so I left the car at the gate and walked to the road where I parked my bottom on a tree stump, dialed 911 and waited. They arrived, loaded me into the rescue vehicle and took me to Swift Creek ER where my enzyme levels were eighteen hundred but supposed to be less than one hundred by about half. Things began moving quickly and transport to a heart care hospital was arranged with enzymes at twenty-two hundred upon arrival. Both arms were stuck with IV’s and drips of nitroglycerin and Heparin started and continued for four days. Various tests followed: catheterization, MRI, EKG and I’m not sure what else. For the next four days I was told “You had a severe heart attack”, “You didn’t have a heart attack”, “I’ve not seen anything like this”, “You’ve had a heart attack and have blockage and heart damage”.
Alrighty then…
You know there’s always more to the story but I now see a marvelous cardiologist and feel like an old woman because I now see a cardiologist. Since being home, Kately and Ronnie continue to be a HUGE help and Sadie and I have managed to have lunch together a few times as life returns to what is now my “new normal”.
Having a heart attack is strange. Medico’s kept asking, “What’s your pain level?” but I only had pressure. Enormous pressure in and on my chest along with dizziness and lightheadedness. When faced with my reply they said, “That is pain” and I’m thinking, “Well then, you’ve never had your cornea sliced with a hard contact lens or gallstones.” Those things were excruciating!
Dr. Dreamy, as his staff calls him, tells me to lower my stress level, go only as quickly as my body allows and, most importantly, listen to my body and I’m trying. Or, as Dave once told me, “You certainly are!”
Only now am I returning to staying overnight at parents and only two nights a week and only if my body allows. As you might imagine, that’s not going over well with some family members and very harsh words have been spoken. If taking better care of me makes me a terrible person, I can live with that.
My go is now slow and I’m winded, breathless and sometimes dizzy more often. Riding the electric cart at grocery stores happens more often than I’d like to admit but tending to the animals remains my Balm in Gilead. Other Balms include the kindness of friends in visiting, calling, texting. The father of lies whispers to us all, “No one cares. It’s an empty life, slip away.” and, if we’re honest, at times when overwhelmed by circumstances, work, life in general it’s a tempting thought. However, temptation isn’t from God because He doesn’t tempt. He tests but when we ask, gives us the strength, emotional, spiritual and even physical, to overcome.
In Dave’s last days he told me he wasn’t afraid of dying but he was afraid of missing life. Life with me, life with the animals, life on the farm.
How often I think about what he said and now after the heart attack fright, I understand.
I’m making plans for after I’m gone. Plans for the farm and animals to be taken care of, for beloved friends and family to have gifts bequeathed to them. I”m trying not to leave a mess and have even talked to Joe M. about funeral arrangements.
It would be interesting to talk with others who’ve had a heart attack. I have questions. Questions such as Are you fuzzy headed? Is your memory worse? Is your go slow? And so many others.
If you find those questions foolish, don’t judge too harshly. In fact, don’t judge at all or “the curse has come upon me cried the Lady of Shalott” could befall you.
My rest breaks are frequent and my circle, always small, has tightened. If I need, my “no” is firmer and with no excuses as I feel no need to offer any. When people express their anger, indeed vicious anger, because I refuse to be bullied, I simply stare and find silence is a very effective tool.
Joel O. once said he was, paraphrasing, “trimming the deadbeats from his life and if you call and I don’t answer the phone, then you’re a deadbeat.” Amusing, yes, but there is a lesson to be learned. My manifesto for this year, indeed this life, is now PROTECT MY PEACE. I’ll do my best not to hurt others but if a situation calls for hurting someone by protecting my peace then I’ll choose what’s best and right for me. I hope you’ll do the same for you.
PROTECT YOUR PEACE.
So sorry for all you’ve been through! Anyone who gives you a hard time about taking care of yourself is WAY out of line. Please take it easy as much as you possibly can. Life is so fragile. I’m thankful you survived because I would miss you terribly, even though we’ve never met. I’ve enjoyed your blog for about 12 years now. Thank you for giving of yourself so warmly and generously in your blog and in all aspects of your life. You deserve as much time as it takes to rest, heal and recharge!
Blair, you are SO VERY KIND! It’s been a difficult and challenging year and I’m having another surgery next week. I’m hopeful and prayerful this will be the final surgery on the road to healing and wholeness again. I’m in process of updating and starting the actual farm information; look for it this week. Thank you for reading my blog; it’s a labor of love and I need to update on the new additions. Draft horses! Take care, fondly, Sandra
Thankful you’re still here.
“When people tell you who they are, believe them.”
Holy Spirit told you to wait at end of your drive. There’s the focus. Our Lord’s active involvement, in real time.
Big Hug. XO Tara
Draft size hugs to you, Tara! I’ve been searching your blogs for updates, couldn’t find any and hope you’re well and HAPPY! It’s so odd how you, and a few others, are on my mind and then BOOM! you show up in a comment or e-mail. Thank you! I’m updating my blog…finally…before the next, and hopefully, last surgery next week. Then, wholeness and wellness I’m claiming! fondly, Sandra
Miss you Sandra. Understand life and needing to step away from a layer, to focus.
Praying for your wholeness and wellness to be claimed and magnified. In Jesus’ name.
Email me, would like to connect and chat.
XOT
Hi Tara, it’s been an extremely difficult time since Dec 2022 but I’m stepping into the gap again. You’re often in my thoughts and prayers and wonder how you’ve been doing. May your Thanksgiving and Christmas be blessed and your New Year safe. love and prayers, S.
Your newsletter just popped into my email & I’m so sorry to hear of all you’ve been through! Sending prayers for your quick recovery and that you will be surrounded by peace and love.
My mother had a heart attack several years back (and another about a year or so ago) and she often talked about feeling foggy and just not mentally herself for some time. I think it took about four-six months before she felt back to normal mentally. I think that was for her one of the hardest parts about having the heart attack. I experienced a similar issue last April when I had surgery for an obstructed bowel & hernia. The 13 hours under anesthesia while they operated on me really knocked me for a loop mentally and it took some weeks before I felt like I was thinking straight again. I really hope you recover your equilibrium quickly! You’ll be in my prayers!!
Hey Mee! You’re in a new place and have been on my mind. It looks beautiful and your home is incredible! So often I think of Norah and meetin her, and you/your husband of course, but it still amuses me to remember taking her from your arms and introducing her to all the folks and animals on the farm. I’m so silly; still remember telling someone, “I don’t know who that strange woman is following me…”. Such GOOD FUN times! Thank you so much for coming to the farm and allowing me to be a part of your lives and thank you for saying about anesthesia. It knocked me for a loop…between the heart attack and being put under for the catherization then the surgery I feel like my poor body has been run over. I am hopeful surgery next week will be the last before healing and wholeness.
OHMYGOSH! Somehow your blog dropped off my reading list and I chanced upon it by accident this morning. I am so so so sorry for all that you have been through and continue to go through. My father used to say-if you don’t have your health you don’t have anything. I never understood what that meant until I had a couple of medical issues.
I, too, have learned to say NO when I need to say NO and to expect others to not really understand that because I have always been the one to say YES. That’s okay. Do what you have to do to protect yourself physically and mentally.
I am going to try to reestablish my connection to your blog so I know when you publish. I don’t blog nearly as much as I used to but I want to stay in touch as much as possible.
Take good care-Love and prayers from me to you—Diana
Your Dad was right, Diana! I’m getting ready to update, thus looking at what I need to catch up. Saying NO is a gift to both parties even if one doesn’t agree. I’ve learned saying NO to siblings causes upset, on their part, but it certainly releaves stress on mine. Be careful of yourself; we’ve more in the rear view mirror than the windshield. love, S.
I’m sorry to hear how your year ended, both the family drama and the heart attack. I think you know Rick had a heart attack 12 years ago. Life has been more ‘interesting’ for us both ever since. He feels as if he is a ticking bomb and probably is; I wish he was willing to make all possible lifestyle changes for optimal cardiovascular health and maximum longevity.
Michelle, I’m glad Rick is doing better and sorry he feels he’s a ticking time bomb. I don’t but do agree life has been more interesting. Standing up to family hasn’t gained me any brownie points but my stress level has decreased dramatically. Please take care of you and yours; you’re looking at an empty nest which is both good and not so good. Changes galore!
Unfortunately we are not looking at an empty nest in the foreseeable future; I say ‘unfortunately’ because of the lack of maturity and interest in spiritual things that seem to have our son stuck in delayed adolescence. It is a heart burden for his parents.
oh Michelle, I am so very sorry.Belfast, N. Ireland friends sent their son to me this summer. He’s 20 or 21, not well traveled and very apaprehensive but took a deep breath and came. We had a blast; I made sure he had a huge dose of farm life…milking cows, shooting guns, fishing, feeding chickens, gathering eggs and we went to a rodeo. The rodeo may have scarred him for life; he kept saying, “This is INSANE!” Evidently, rodeo’s aren’t a thing in N. Ireland…smile. Anyway, I visited his family, his Mom and I have been friends for years, and she told me how much he’d grown. He’s now away at University, living on campus, and gaining daily. I wish your son could have such an experience; it might do him good. You’re in my prayers.
We sent him to a Christian university several hours away and he quit at Spring Break; that’s been 2.5 years ago. Granted, it was during the pandemic so a somewhat altered college experience, but he didn’t take good advantage of the opportunities he had. He spent a year jumping from job to job, not abiding by the contract he had signed when he dropped out and came home (still doesn’t). At least he has steady employment now, but the rest of his life and choices leave much to be desired and cause friction all the way around at times. We certainly need your prayers!
Dang you always did walk on the wild side…
rumor has it IF you are fortunate, you get a foxy looking guy of a cardio doctor-
if not then you get the one that’s old as dirt and looks just like the local livestock vet after preg testing a herd of nervous bovine beauties.
Best wishes for a successful fox hunt!
Rest up, Spring time’s coming~
As always my bestest prayers going out to you.
Dr. Dreamy…just saw him a couple of weeks ago and things are o.k. Had an ekg which is a tad iffy, for some reason. I’m hoping it’s good enough to get the next surgery, next week, done and behind. Knit on Girlfriend! LOL
Tally-ho, here is to the Silver Fox!
Cheers!
Dear Sandra, My heart goes out to you. I am thankful to God for protecting you and providing for you. I will be praying for you.
Julie, thank you! It’s been a rough year and am hoping for a better ending than beginning. Your prayers are greatly appreciated!
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you get plenty of rest and get better soon. I love that saying, “Protect My Peace.” Very wise. God bless you!
Thank you, Mrs. White. Yes, protect my/your peace at almost any cost. I learned the hard way, stress can cause a heart attack and I’m spending time on the farm, dealing with animals and readying for winter. There are round bales and square bales so it’s looking good. God bless you as well; take care of YOU!
I did never forget you! Many greetings from Dori
Many blessings to you, Dori; you are never forgetten either. I visited a few weeks ago and loved the photos and YES to gleaning. It’s time honored and enjoyable, to me at least. fondly, Sandra
Thank you, dear Sandra! Best wishes to you!
BLESSINGS BLESSINGS BLESSINGS
Hugs
so appreciated, Gail, and hugs to you.
So sorry you have been through all this, not only the physical but the emotional too, which I’m sure you could have done without, I had a heart valve replaced last year and had to go slo for quite a while. As the surgeon said…’Listen to your body’.
Take. Care. Of. YOU.
You can’t help others, or even be around if you don’t. Sandra, I had no idea you had this happen. I will keep you in prayer. Peace, wisdom, discernment. Blessing, contentment, and yes, joy.
Dear Sandra, that’s quite a tale! I am so glad you took yourself seriously, got the help you needed, and continue taking care of you. Sounds like your Dr. Dreamy knows what he’s talking about and I hope that you give yourself time to recover, coming back stronger than before.
Blessings to you and yours, chris