The most recent months s have been fraught with problems. I refuse to use the word “issue” as it always makes me think of the New Testament woman with the “issue of blood” who touched the hem of Jesus’ robe.
First the Honda’s complete and total exhaust system needed to be replaced. Yes, that’s correct, from stem to stern the entire thing had to be replaced…muffler, catalytic converter and whatever else goes with an exhaust system. At the same time, the Polaris Ranger stopped working so for a few days, I was hauling hay in a wheel barrow from barn to hay hut so the beautiful beasties could have their groceries. In time, the parts came in for the Honda and Rick’s Auto (hurrah!) got it up and running and returned just in time for it to be used as a Hay Wagon. (Poor ole Dave would be rolling in his grave if he knew!) For two weeks the Honda Hay Wagon was in use with four bales of hay stacked in back, carefully, giving Honey a bit of room to squeeze in front of the hay. Bella, being smaller, jumped into the car as shotgun.
So, for a couple of weeks, square bales were put out using either the wheelbarrow or, usually, the Honda and it was Happy Days when the Ranger returned.
On the homefront, Tuppence and Smudge Moonbeam are besties and Smudge is beginning to use her damaged right leg and paw a bit more. The damage is consistent with being thrown from a moving vehicle and my mind boggles! When I took her to the vet to be examined, the vet (whom I’d never seen before) wanted to do a lot of what I call “upsell”. She wanted to do tests for this and that and I said, “No, examine her leg and paw, give her a rabies vaccination and we’ll be back in a few months so she can be spayed.” I don’t do a lot of extras; with a total of 23 mouths to feed, twice daily, the cats get basic care…spay or neuter, rabies vaccination, food, water, shelter, a lot of love and that’s all. The vet wasn’t happy but unless she wanted to do some pro bono work, we were at an impasse. I’ve since found out Tuppence and Smudge, both foundlings, may be spayed at the expense of Southside SPCA. Hurrah! Tuppence was spayed today, costing $38 because I also paid for a pain controlling injection. I don’t believe pain meds are usually an option but that’s a trifle barbaric, I do believe. The other thing the vet said, after squeezing Smudge’s paw in a grip that saw vet fingers go white, and me saying, “HEY NOW, that’s enough!” was, “She’ll probably have to have her leg amputated.”
OH NO! None of that talk because IT AIN’T HAPPENING. I’m no vet but have had cats longer than the vet has drawn breath and I know, beyond shadow of doubt, if Smudge’s leg is amputated, she’ll never have a chance of recovery. With her leg intact, there’s always hope and with hope, prayer.
Now, a few weeks later, just today, the day after Boxing Day, I noticed Smudge is beginning to use her paw as it should be used…weight flat on the foot pads. Until now, she’s been sliding along the outside edge because the leg wasn’t strong enough to hold her weight. With prayer, good food and the rough and tumble with Tuppence, I am Very hopeful she’ll heal correctly and totally. As I’m typing this, she’s playing alongside me, sometimes on me and her mojo motor is purring mightily!
Tuppence is on my bed, curled in fuzzy blankets where she’ll stay until the dogs and I go to bed then she’ll be put in the cat carrier to finish sleeping. She was spayed at a different vet clinic and they put Tuppence in a onesie to keep her warm and protect her stitches. I was told the stitches are dissolvable but I could bring her back so they could remove them but what I’ll do is remove them myself. I have Dave’s Army field medical kit and this won’t be the first stitches I’ve removed (and that includes removing them from my own body). By the way, Tuppence has since removed the onesie and it’s not yet been found.
My household is chaotic, cozy and full of adventure and it pays to go slow and be extra vigilant in all things. Yes, that is Grandma Bones who was napping in the washing machine. I’d thrown a few hand towels inside, gone to retrieve other laundry and Grandma decided a nap was in order.
There was sadness because Summer, my Belgian mare, died and that assisted in my spiral into depression. Autumn is difficult; so many people and animals have died in Autumn and no matter how I struggle, the grief depression is simply overwhelming and exhausting. It came to me this year, when depression comes, I go to ground for as long as it takes. Meaning, I hide on the farm and try to see no one, go anywhere, do anything other than tending to the animals. Then, when depression lifts and I return to the Land of Outside, I make some excuse without actually saying, “I’ve been depressed”. This is the year I’ve stopped making excuses and have simply said, “I’ve been battling depression and the way I fight it is to stay home, dig deep into God’s Word and tend to myself.” Mouths have dropped while some have understood, others have not and the lifting of the burden has been marvelous.
October end found family and friends celebrating parent’s 70th Wedding Anniversary! and Mom’s birthday. The black and white photo on the table is a copy I made many decades ago in a VA Commonwealth University darkroom and is their original wedding photograph.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and Boxing Day have come and gone in weather more like summer than winter. The first two were very pleasant and Boxing Day was spent in church services in the morning and an afternoon nap. Most of last week, two teenage boys were here working in exchange for fishing and riding privileges. I felt honor bound to keep up with them and was going to bed at 7 p.m. in an attempt to keep going. A lot of work was accomplished and I’m hoping to keep up part of the momentum this week. Then again, I should probably fixate on the house chores, finishing up end of year paperwork and helping parents with their paperwork.
December also saw Sam Mobley come with his Mini-Skid Steer and clean driveway and all fence lines of brush overgrowth. He keeps telling me, “Now you can mow behind the fence lines” and I keep replying, “Actually, you can come back next year and do it all over again. I’ve got enough actual work and don’t need more as long as you’re available.” For now, we’re at an impasse but when summer arrives…
There’s not a lot of Christmas un-decorating to be done because I don’t decorate much. The horse wreath Gina made is on the front door, fairy lights twinkling merrily and the Christmas tree Daniel made stands sentinel on the front porch. I always have such large plans for decorating then decide if I get the place vacuumed that must count for something, eh? Besides, with KITTENS, decorating is rather a losing battle and I’m to the point when I hear a crash, I no longer flinch. I’m used to seeing Tuppence climb up the lampshade so she can batt the lightbulb or Smudge knock over a deep pile of books.
The tree is made of oak and the decorations are old horse and draft horse tack with a fence do-lolly thrown in for good measure. The fairy lights both twinkle and are solid glow and on a timer so I can go to bed with good cheer lighting up the porch. I’ve got a photo of the horse wreath but can’t find it and need to ready myself for bed so will show it later…it’s dandy though…a silver ribbon, faux greenery in the shape of a horse head and fairy lights. I’m really taken with fairy lights and have more to add to the studio, maybe the back porch…maybe my bedroom.
or not.
The following is how I beat depression; I Pray, read God’s Holy word, Love on my animals and pile on the Goodness. Happy Christmas to you and yours and if you ever want to talk, I’m a good listener.
XOXO,
Enjoy some wonderful [Christmas] goodies…
My English Country Cottage, here
The Woman That Farms, here
My favorite carol, In the Bleak Midwinter, here
Fellowship for Performing Arts, here
Handel’s Messiah, here
The Duchess of Cambridge playing For Those Who Can’t Be Here, alongside Tom Walker, here
My goodness, I have been away from blogging for a LONG time and it seems I have missed A LOT.. Are you living in Canada now? Did you not sell the farm? Forgive me for asking so many questions, I’m just trying to catch up….. Also, forgive me if I miss some things as there was a lot packed into this post… I hear you about the vet costs. We have five dogs and three chickens. It’s not cheap and I don’t do anything more than what is necessary. My vet usually understands but he also has three offices so if one of them doesn’t understand too bad, my pet and I’m footing the bill….
I’m sorry to read about the depression but I understand.. I have bouts of it as well here and there, moreso I think since stating menopause but, we keep pushing through…..
Hi Robyn – yes, sold the farm in Appy Mtns and living in southside Virginia.
I hated moving but am closer to famiily. I’ll do a post soon and good to hear from you.
I love your survival list! I love your energy. I love you x Deliberate and deep thanksgiving has got me through these last months- a practice taught me by the example of an exemplary Christian woman in Edinburgh not so many earth orbits ago. And before I wish you a Happy New Year, I like the association of “issue” with difficulties. I was reading that story just the other day, and was as usual struck by Jesus’ immediately knowing that miraculous power had passed from him straight into the issue. Amen. And a very happy New Year from my (imaginary) porch to your beautiful one x
Mags, your backyard seating area is lovely, especially the view beyond. Y’all are blessed to have that, especially in an urban area. When I think of those folks, I tuck them in prayer.
Forgive me but I’m hardly anyone to look at or up to; these months since the ten year anniversary of Dave’s death have been overwrought with depression, discouragement and angst. I am weary, Mags, beyond exhausted and fight the worst of thoughts daily. In one of our many “then what” conversations, I told Dave I would have no choice but to stay here because of the animals. Many people have wondered, some even asked, why the farm, why the animals, why the work. If not for the farm, the animals, the work I would have followed Dave. There is indeed method to my madness.
Like you, the knitting needles are clicking; I’ve unraveled some beautiful, chunky wool yarn and am making a lovely scarf of idiotic pattern. Two rows…k then k1p1. It’s all my brain can handle but I am pleased with the results although why I’m knitting a man’s scarf I can’t imagine except the yarn demanded.
I’ve gone to the sock site you suggested and I’m already stymied. She gives good directions, then again, what do I know? She says it’s one size but i can’t find what size so do I add and how much? She says work the toe with the Kitchener stitch and what I know of that is Kitchener was in the Royal Navy. I’m undone already.
I can’t do Kitchener stitch by myself. The artist-woman-genius who ran the sock knitting class I went to did the Kitchener on the first Wisley sock (that’s a blog post years late in the writing) and I botched the second one trying to follow a youtube tutorial. Both socks still hold though. The size on that pattern fits me generously and I’m a UK size 4. My plan (because of a Christmas present of four pairs of socks for the four of us in the form of four balls of sock yarn) is to knit fsaid our pairs of socks for the four of us and I have NO IDEA how to size this pattern up. I need Catherine. Who is in Scotland, as you know. Niqi bought the sock present. She has faith in me. Which is nice, if in this instance bonkers.
I want so much to hug you. I have no words for your trials and your pain. But I came across a thing today that I immediately thought of sending you. I didn’t know why though. Now I see why. It will come. I think it’s the same with this exciting scarf – you don’t know why you are knitting it, but soon you will. I’m praying for the neck it will warm. Oh how we do so love you, SB. Stay x
That’s wonderful, Mags. The closest knit shop to me is, I’m guessing, about 90 minutes away. Much too far to simply run for help.
Welp, Darling Mags…misplaced faith is still faith, eh? Niki loves you well and is a great blessing. The depression and discouragement is lifting…initially brought on by the ten year anniversary of Dave’s death followed by deaths of humans and animal. I’m still weepy but the kind of weepy that I move through and am not brought to a halt. So much to say but not in public and your prayers and thoughts are gratefully received.
On another note…at my favorite bookstore (ahem. a charity shop) I found Jane Brocket’s book “The Gentle Art of Domesticity” ($3.00 US, woohoo!) and am loving it. Yes, I know I’m a decade plus behind (published 2007) but it’s still charming and ADORE her use of the Queen’s English! In searching for her blog, I find it is no longer…shame! I’m not a user of IG; I’ve proven I have trouble keeping up with fb or my blog, although I’m working on my next post which is (a lot more) cheerful. I’ve decided to photo some of my projects… tea cozies, shawls, necklace, etc. Right now though, I need to tend to horses and barn cats…we’re expecting 1 to 3 inches (meaning they’ve no idea) of snow and being prepared means I’ll sleep well later.
Much love and will be over the moon when this virus mess is over and I can return to the UK…that North Coast 500 siren song is bewitching me still. Want to go with? xoxo
I like your tree of oak – it seems so practical with the kitties around.
I also went all out with fairy lights this year. I even had a couple of strings that didn’t get put up. Next year I hope to put them in my bedroom or morning room. I like to have them around my kitchen window lighting up winter at least until March. The ones I bought plug in the outlet so I don’t have to worry about batteries!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Sandra!
Gretchen, the tree is on the front porch and safe from kittens although nothing much else is safe. I’d forgotten how kittens can terrorize the household. My lights are both battery and plug in and, like you, they give cheer. BTW, I can’t remember if I’ve told you but I can’t comment on your beautiful blog posts. For whatever reason, WP won’t allow me and I don’t know how to fix the problem. If I can find somewhere to send them an e-mail, I’m going to ask WHY. So many of your posts are comforting and all appreciated.
Merry Christmas and hope this new year is full of GOOD blessings.
Thanks for sharing. I didn’t realize just how tough you are. I haven’t been able to follow you for awhile, but this surprised me. I think the years are toughening you. I like it and don’t mind, if you don’t. Hugs, S
Sheryl, don’t know about being tough but I’ve chosen this life and if other people would do what they say, life would be a lot easier and nicer. I’m to the point where I’ve shut down the phones, gotten off social media, locked the gate and not sure how long any of this will last. My cup isn’t half empty, it’s plumb dry and I’ve decided it’s ME time for the immediate future. Someone told me, “Your answer machine is full” and I thought, “Wonderful!” and have no plans to either listen or erase messages. I’ve always preached the caregiver must do self care but haven’t heeded my own woods.
Now is the time.
I’m not as eager to see this year close as I was last year, but it wouldn’t matter either way; time marches on. I gravitate towards being a hermit-type in good times and in bad; animals around me are a necessity.
Michelle, I’m ready to ask for a refund on 2022; it’s gone from worse to terrible and I have locked the gate, turned off the phones, gotten off social media. Not sure what else I’m going to do but it’s time for self care, a LOT of self care. If anyone wants to get in touch, they’ll have to either send an e-mail or the sheriff’s deputy. I haven’t been this discouraged or depressed since shortly after Dave died. If one more person, who is married or has children, tells me how good the Lord is, I might bite their head off. It’s awfully easy to spew platitudes when one will snug up against their spouse tonight or has other people in the household to render assistance. I apologize for sounding bitter, it’s more I’m exhausted from being used by people in any way you can imagine. You’ve had your share of difficulties, that’s why I feel safe telling the truth to you. You and yours remain on the prayer list although I’m not at all sure God is listening to me.
Dear Sandra, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this dark valley. I have no platitudes; life is hard. I cling fiercely to the promise that the New Earth we are promised will make our life here a brief, dim memory, triggered only by Christ’s scars. Hang on, dear one, hang on; don’t give that shag-nasty old devil the satisfaction of giving up. I’ll pray for you, too.
Hi Michelle – I believe it’s been grief depression; the ten year water mark was in November. I think it should be easier and, I guess in some ways, it is easier then I get blindsided. Life is hard and sometimes sucks eggs but there it is. I’m grateful the farm and animals keep me busy. love and prayers for you and yours; it’s been difficult at your house I know.