That’s what the song says about Christmas but I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas…the story of Jesus’ birth, the stable, animals, shepherds, star and every year I wonder anew at Mary delivering her first born. Did she have help? Who was it? Was it Joseph or did a woman from the village hear her cries, come to investigate and stay to help. So much we don’t know yet so many stories in those very few verses.
Like Forrest Gump, today is my favorite day and this season my favorite season. Today was full of work, lovely work, that put me a tad ahead yet still, overall, behind. It’s all right though; I’m good with that because I get to work outside in this very beautiful valley, listening to horses nicker, cattle lowing, sheep calling lambs, birdsong. We have a sanctuary household, meaning all the animals live in harmony and you wouldn’t be surprised to know Sam P. Spade, Secret
Agent Angel and Sadie Baby watch over me constantly.
However, it might surprise you to know some of the cats follow along as well.
Last week, Daddy had vascular surgery and I stayed in hospital with him. Dad is tough, the Greatest Generation 2, doncha know but this has tried him, and the family, sorely. In about 150 hours, I slept 20 hours and am still trying to recover. There are a lot of problems (not issues, ta very much!) that are attendant to Dad’s surgery, recovery and physical therapy and prayer is urgently requested and needed.
This little pillowcase is one of two; the work of my hands and heart. I’m not good with hand work but I do like it and, sometimes, the product is sweet.
Yesterday was Dave’s birthday, bittersweet indeed. This grief journey has been horrendous and the best I can say is I believe I’ve finally accepted it all. His illness, his death, the loss of all my dreams. I still struggle with “Why, Lord?” I still struggle with my inability to understand, the isolation, the question if I’ll ever be happy again or have a life as good as the one I had. I struggle with “friends” who once were and are no longer but am grateful not to have to deal with as many takers. Yes, I do know I was greatly blessed being Dave’s wife and am grateful, very grateful. I’m grateful to have meaningful work where I am blessed and can bless others yet I’m still sad.
No, this is no pity party but an ennui that I simply cannot shake and wonder if God will restore the years the locust has eaten. I struggle with being a Christian, all these questions with no answers and wonder how those who have no faith get out of bed in the morning or even why bother. I tell myself to ‘practice faith until I have it and then, because I have it, to practice faith’. I listen to Joel Osteen, a lot, and his ministry of encouragement helps. Then, I think of people who think Joel isn’t Biblical and wonder which Bible they read. He seems to me to be Biblically sound but not very theologically deep and that’s all right too. Heck, I’ve know a lot of preachers who couldn’t preach their way out of a wet paper poke and they still got paid. At least Joel makes his living from book sales, speaking, etc. and not from the church offering plate; I don’t know many who can say the same.
I’m grateful to have the legacy of strong, mountain women (and men) who taught me by example. When I’m weary and it seems like too much trouble to continue, I think of them and their struggles and know the same God who was with them is with me. With God, I. can. do. this. thing. called. life. I call on Him, He hears and gives me strength and bread for the journey. It is an enormous feeling of awe when I consider I am a daughter of the Most High God; He has chosen me and I have said yes to Him.
Today is my favorite day, this season my favorite season and this time the very best time of the year.
There is no turning back.
Blessings ~ today ~ this season ~ this time of year ~ being a daughter of the King ~